My Lonely Feeling Numero Uno

I want to know peoples lonely feelings.............I have plenty therefore I will be posting my lonely feelings throughout the blog. My lonely feeling number one, running out of toilet paper.....Im so obssessed with not running out when I get down to three rolls, I go and by another pack just so I dont feel so.....well lonely.

The Article Against NCCU

http://media.www.dukechronicle.com/media/storage/paper884/news/2008/05/15/Columns/Summa.Cum.Loony-3371900.shtml

Check out this link....Her fat ass should be smacked into obvilion. How dare you dismiss my insitution of higher learning. This is where Im getting masters from come December 2008. This is where I poured my blood, sweat and tears into for the past two years. I am appalled that Duke would even publish this article. I feel some type of way about this article.

Underhanded Compliments

Recently, I received a compliment from somebody. However, the compliment I noticed was slighty underhanded, in my personal opinion. Not getting too detailed, it compliment referred to a job well done however, there was a smart comment after it that was both uncalled for and justplain unnecessary. I shared this not so compliment with one of my close friends (I made sure to keep the name of the person anonymous). My friend upset. Almost borderline irate. She found it to be inappropriate and hurtful. The question I pose today to everyone is why give someone a compliment when you A: Don't mean it or B: Mean it and feel that you have to add in your digs. There are certain things you do not say to people. You may be thinking it, however, anyone with a common sense would no better not to even utter such words. Somethings are better left unsaid. If you feel that you must make a compliment with a underhanded remark, maybe you should rethink the compliment.

My First Day Home..........

As I was dreaming, my brother decided to take a marker and draw a dick on my forehead. It was not amusing. When I woke up from my nap my mother pointed out that i had something on my forehead. Her face was priceless and mine was not after I discovered this penis on my forhead. And im light skinned...it took some scrubbing...Ive done what no one has done before, become a dickhead. Sure you can act like one but can u actually become one...............

Lizz Blizz.............

Im baffled. Ive been baffled since I went to lunch with my friend and her boyfriend. In fact, Ive been baffled for years. It haunts me. It scares me. Not my friend and her boyfriend. What scares me is the drink I saw at quiznoes. Its called Lizz Bizz. Its a drink by Sobe, that does not look appetizing at all. Everytime I see it, I want to vomit. This is one drink I refuse to, buy or try. It looks like milk. But its pina colada, the non alcoholic drink. Lizz Blizz always has looked like Lizz Giz to me. Therefore, it looks absolutely disgusting thus not for me.

Philadelphia Style..................

You may ask why im up so late. Thats none of your damn business. I forgot to blog so I figured Id tell you a bedtime story. Its called why my mom and my brother are both 10s. Anyway, my mom had a terrible day. Some jackass ran into her car and they had to tow it home. Then my dad and my brother were trying to take my mom to take my mom to get her hair done shortly after. (Nothing will stop a black woman from getting her hair done...obviously) Anyway, they were going to down this street and there were people outside watching the limo leave with lil teeny boppers. As my dad manuerved around the mess to get mommy to her appointment, a lady uttered something smart about them waiting a minute to move (something like that) which causes my mom to pop off at the mouth which leads to arguing which leads my brother jumping out of the car to get in the womans a*s about popping all this noise to my mother and how she wasnt going to talk to his mother any kind of way. Nobody gets hurt, and I guess the argument cooled down but as my brother was getting back in car someone yelled get in the car dickhead. So my brother got in the car, rolled down the window and said and I quote "FU P****" And then they sped off. There is my family for you, trust me we are going to get the last word in.

Overcompensation

Overcompensation. That was the topic of today's conversation. Most people are guilty of it at one point in their lives. However, there are offenders. Nothing irks me more then indivduals that make their hapeenings of their lives so grand to make other people feel like shit. Realistically, I know why people do it. Overcompensation. I know your life is not that great right now. You may be broke, stressed or just plain old pissed off at the cards the world has dealt you. However, since I perceive my life as better than yours, im going to make you feel like shit and just talk about how great my life is so that you can feel bad that your life is not on the up and up. Chances are, if you are bragging and pointing of every detail of your miserable exsistence then its likely you are overcompensating for something that you are lacking. Overcompensation 1. Is Inappropriate 2. Its not cute. It is one thing to share the details of the happenings of your life, its another to state them in a way in which you know may offend the listeners ears. I.E. Telling is one thing.........Bragging is another. Sometimes it pays to just shut up. The shoe can always switch feet and im pretty sure if it does you would not like to be on the receiving end.

On the up and up I had some banging ass food from my homies aunts house out in Oxford, NC. The best homecooked meal since Christmas :).

Dearest Subtley,

Dear Subtley,
Your perception on life is less than desirable. In fact its warped, twisted and just plain old pathetic. You dream in black and white, I dream in color. I seek, you suck.

We do have a thing in a common, Subtley. We are both opportunists. However, we differ on our opprotunistic vibe. The opprotunist vibe that I possess is one to further my education, obtain a PHD and become a professor on the graduate level at a prestigious instituion. The opportunist vibe that you possess alludes to a Bachelors of Education to eventually to possess a Masters in Bullshit. You have been taught disregard words like reciprocity, respect and denial...and those oh so famous contract law words, Offerance, Acceptance and Consideration and thrive on words such as take, mine and me, mooch and selfishness and personal favorite unrealistic. I love when subtley tries to give others a life lesson when it isnt others that need the life lesson, it is subtley that needs the life lesson on etiquette and reality. Subtley needs to understand you cant always get what you want and in order to get something grandoise you must give something grandoise. We would be lying if we thought the world didn't work in a tit for tat fashion. It does because in order to receive you have to give, especially when you are dealing with indivduals that do not have the means to give it in the first place.

Subtley I need a life lesson too. To speak up when I dont like whats going on, to not let others to mistake my kindness for weakness, to stop loving a man that doesnt love me nearly as much as a love him but most importantly to eliminate the unnecessary bullshit that keeps occuring in my life. Subtley I have slipped, I am different from last year, but yet I feel like im the same. I've grown up but Ive also taken a step back. Im still dealing with my past, and im still dealing with the ghost of last years past. Subtley your "extraness" is adding fuel to the fire and reminded me on the reasons on why I didnt venture outside of my civilization and my protective bubble. When I let people in, im usually the only one that pays for their mistakes and my own. So subtley was I so subtle, because we obviously know that subtley is not exactly your forte...is it?

Signed,
Over It.

Star Jones.....Is she that slow?

Now I know my BFF Nisha has blogged on this so I wont get too ridiculous because I know I would just be repeating both me and Nisha feelings on the subject.I must say this. Star Jones is the only person in America that didnt know that her husband is gay. I knew, you knew, hell my 1 year old cousin knew. Personally, he is better off without her, if she wasnt smart enough to realize he was gay then she may not smart enough to pay household bills. Just a thought.

What What?

Are You Hurt? Because I am.

Scrabulous.......

This phenomenon has inflitrated the facebook community and it has taking over my life. FYI. I bring this up because it has been theraputic for me to play now that there is no cigarette hanging out of my mouth...plus three days. I crave one everytime I eat and wake up but my strong will and determination has kept me away from the green and white box.....So anyway the point of this blog is to pick a bone with my BFF Nisha. Nisha, Worset is not in the damn dictonary, not even in the encyclopedia. However, because I love you so I will stop bitching and I will suck it up. However, if you keep making up words I may have to resort to smoking..........Just kidding :)

Letting Go

Day One.
May 5, 2008 12:45 Am

I should be doing work, considering that I can not consider myself a second year graduate student until May 7, 2008 @ 6:00. But im not. Im in deep thought. Today is the first day of a cigarette free life. No more Newports, Capris or any other brand of cigarette man made will touch my lips. This depresses me. Ive been inspired and I have decided to quit with one of my best friends. Today at 12:00 two of my friends were sitting around with me in my apartment, and the one friend brought up the fact that it was 12:00 and me and my friend (who will remain nameless) are officially done. After smoking on and off for eight years, it is time to call it quits. I pray that I remain strong through this venture. As I chew on the side of my lip, ordinarly I would reach in my green and white box and feed myself some nicotine, but I cant, and I wont. I threw my ashbottles away at 12:00 and I freaked the hell out when I spilled the bottle all over my legs. Ive quit before. In fact, I stopped for awhile for a guy that I cared deeply about....however, when he was out of picture, Newports became my substitute lover. This was okay with me at first until I realized my substitute lover could eventually kill me. So here I am, cigarettless, typing and watching re-runs of Cold Case. I pray for the strength to stick to my guns about my new life, without the green and white box. The funny thing, I picked the most inopprotune time to stop using my "stress releiver". I made an interesting choice this weekend which made me relieve the past. However, after much soul searching and spending the whole weekend having a bitchfest with two of my good friends, ive come to the conclusion, sometimes the past is better off in the past. I thought about the statement "you can always go home again". Sure, you can always go home again but the question is...is it worth going home. Home, is not being in used in the context of going home to your parents, I mean it as could you go home to a situation that didnt work the first time around. The answer for me is No. I can't go "home" again. You cant expect the past to be the future, and for a split second, I thought I could. Then, I had an ephipany. I will not let certain past events be my future events. I cant, and I wont. I love me too much. Im sexy, duh! I sit here and think about how May 5 last year I was not the same person. I was broken, and I really believe I had just had a nervous breakdown. I made that self diagonsis myself, however if you knew me from last year you would know that this was true. I have had a year of growth, I have obtained new friends and Im in a schooling program that has not compromised my sanity as opposed to law school last year. I recently jumped back into the past only to realized thats not where I want to be. You can love someone but not be in love with someone, and you can have love for someone, or you can be in love with someone and have to love them from a distance. I have done all of the above. The loudest sound of all is love unspoken, this I know. However, sometimes its better when you love someone so much and it isnt working or if you know it wont work then its time to let them go. Ive been letting go a lot, a person, but most importantly that green and white box. Its 1:22 and im not craving. This is a good thing. Im letting go.